Proverbs 3:5-6

I first learned this verse back when I attended Camp Balcones Springs for summer camp - it was the "theme" of the summer, so it's always been a special verse to me. Right now I am having to remember this verse frequently! Also, Jeremiah 29:11. All that to say...I was laid off yesterday due to budget cuts at Apache. All told I heard they let go about 6% of their work force, and at least 11 or so in the Gulf Coast region. I had been working in the regulatory department, which meant I worked with our engineers and the US Department of Interior Minerals Management Service to get offshore work permits approved. To make the day even worse, Jeremy has been out of town at a training in New York so I was alone at home (but not without lots of offers for company from friends and family!), and I was supposed to leave for NYC today to meet Jeremy for a weekend there. We both felt it would be prudent to cancel the trip just because we have no idea how difficult it will be for me to find another job right now.

I know people are going through much, much worse, but it was still devastating news for me. This was my first job out of college and I knew I was lucky to love what I did so much, and to love all the people I worked with. The engineers, the MMS, the land peeps, my regulatory chicks - they were all amazing. And I think as with many young professionals, my identity was very much intertwined with my job. I took a lot of pride in the work I did and the company I worked for. I cried a lot (a LOT!!) of tears yesterday and some today. I know I will end up better, I know it wasn't personal, I know it's not my plan and that God knew this would happen, but none of that makes me feel better right now. I likened it to a bad breakup - I put my heart and soul into that job, I did whatever it took and my quality of work was impeccable (in my humble opinion!) and then I was completely blindsided yesterday morning. And I know the feelings might diminish and fade, but I do feel like I will never be so naive to think this couldn't happen again at another job (whether losing my naivete was a good thing or bad thing I won't know until later!). I am now well aware that no job is permanent and no company thinks I am irreplaceable. I am aware that if budgets need to be cut, they need to be cut and that I didn't get fired, but it does still feel personal as I was the only one from our small group of 5 let go. So regardless of their reasons, I do feel singled out. I simply can not believe I won't be going to work there anymore, seeing my co-workers each morning, and just doing the work. I know the break is nice, but all I wanted to do this morning was head back there. I was trying to figure out how mad they would be if I just showed back up... :)

Here's the good news I am trying to find in it: I am so grateful for the experience and for my boss and co-workers. They were great and helped shape me as an employee. I am glad I got promoted in October so my resume can say I was a specialist and not an admin. We just refinanced our house, making our payment about $200 less each month, and paid off our credit cards, so that is a huge blessing. I will continue to be paid through May 15, and then I will also receive a severance package. Between my old boss (who I think is pretty well-known in the regulatory community) and my dad (who knows everyone and their mom in the industry), I am hopeful I won't have to go too long without a job. In fact, I have an interview tomorrow - I don't know much about the position or company, but it's through a guy who worked contract at Apache, so hopefully all goes well. Something is better than nothing! I always give Jeremy a hard time about being able to lounge around Austin for 3 months after he graduated, and I was married 10 days after I graduated and started my job a month after we got married. So I guess this is my time to have to do stuff around the house I never felt like I have time to do, or catch up on some reading. And lastly, although no one would want to go through this, I have felt so much love from all my friends and family and it sure feels good to be loved on!

Jeremy is coming home tonight (in an hour and a half!!) and I can not wait to pick him up from the airport! I really need my husband right now, and it will be nice to snuggle up on the couch and watch the Office like any normal Thursday night. Thanks to everyone who has called, emailed, texted, etc. - it really has meant so much to me to know job or no job, y'all still love me! :) Our friend Sean, who is a waiter and doesn't work during the day, took me out to lunch at Max's Wine Dive today, which I initially did not want to go do but was glad he showed up at my house and forced me to go, and after some fried chicken and a bottle of champagne, I was feeling much better!

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
-Jeremiah 29:11

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways follow Him and He will make your path straight.
-Proverbs 3:5-6